party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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