Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
