I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He felt like a one man threesome
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
don't judge my taste in strippers
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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