If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
