I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We're too hungover to prance.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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