I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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