Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Blood and glitter go together right?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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