Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
