he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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