So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
