just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
