I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
