it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
