there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
