I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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