just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
