I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Oh god it's open bar.
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