Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
