hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She's the barista slut.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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