My hand turned me down
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
