Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize
