At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
