At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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