I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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