But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
