Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
