TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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