I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
