Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize