There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
