3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
