I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
