well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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