I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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