No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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