He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
