well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
