They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
