Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
