she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
