Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
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seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
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I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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