I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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