I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
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I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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