go do what you do best...puke behind churches
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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