I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
