I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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