the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
