We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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