she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
