wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
