Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
