so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
