it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Randomize
