And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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