I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
