upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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