Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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