I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
