Swine flu. Run for my life!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
