Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
