And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
