we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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