Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
